curiosity

You ever ask a question that you know good and damn well you didnt reall want the answer to? Like asking someone who cheated on you if it was worth it or if someone's new girlfriend does anything better than you? Yea stupid ass questions that are sure to cripple your wounded little heart that you could have bet money was all healed up by now. I don't like to ask those questions. Its in our nature to want to know how an ex is doing but God forbid you find out and you feel any kind of pain or discomfort from the answer. You know we child bearers have a habbit of asking questions we don't want the answer to and then want to get all butt hurt and cry and shit.

I dated someone for about 9 months, knew him for 7 years before we dated, and ended the relationship in December of 2009 because of a SLEW of shit. Because of the fact I still have a book he let me borrow while we were together he takes it upon himself to email me at random to ask if I'll ever send the book. Honestly I'm not hanging on to it for any other reason than A. I havent finished reading it yet & B. I dont feel like going to the post office. So he emails me and tells me how much he loved me. & I quote:

You were my world. No female could hold a candle to you and what I felt for you.
I loved you so much that I never though of my own feelings untill after you were
satisfied first. Loved you so much the simple thought of kissing you, touching
you, whether it be a hug or kiss gave me butterflies like a lil school boy. When
I was with you I missed you before you were even out of sight because just
the mere thought of you not being near me gave me pain. Still have love for you
and find myself wondering about you and your son. It is what it is I guess.

First of all I don't believe much of that because anyone that can lie to me and "omit" shit the way he did throughout our relationship or online flirt as reckless as he did, can't possibly love me to the degree in which he claims. To knowingly do something that can cause me pain...that isn't love. Its reckless and selfsih. But I digress.

He asked how my new man was treating me. I said wonderful. He said good. & Then that feeling came over me, that I should ask if he's seeing someone. Did I really want to know? I debated just leaving it alone and allowing myself to believe he was alone and misserable and would be that way forever. Curiosity got the better of me.

"Yes. We haven't made it official yet but I really like her."

Delete delete delete delete.

No response for you.

*gag noise*